"Only with You:
Anti-Fan" by Anna Jane, summary

Anna Jane’s novel was published in 2021; the print edition is 512 pages long, and the story itself is the first in a series that continues with "Only with You: Antihero." It’s a romance novel with a palpable psychological threat: the feelings between the characters are juxtaposed from the very beginning with Natasha’s past trauma and the danger that becomes apparent again by the end.

Plot

The story begins in August, when world-famous musician Kezon arrives in Moscow with his best friend Dan and Masha, Dan’s fiancée. Offstage, he’s Kirill again, and this return is connected not to touring but to the past: he still thinks about Katya, his first love, whose wedding forces him to painfully look back. From the very first chapters, it’s clear that Kirill is a nervous wreck, a defiant figure, and a bravado that hides an old grudge he’s never been able to overcome.

At the same time, the reader meets Natasha, a red-haired girl with a sharp tongue, quick reflexes, and a tendency to defend herself immediately when she feels pressured. Her first encounter with Kirill is built on mutual hostility: she sees him as a smug boor, and he sees her as an inconvenient and overly independent stranger who, for some reason, refuses to submit to his rules. Their early acquaintance is immediately complicated by a lie: Natasha, on a random impulse, calls herself Katya, and Kirill replies with the name Anton, and this exchange of false names sets the tone for their entire relationship.

It later emerges that Natasha is no ordinary fellow traveler, but a celebrity with a difficult personality and a habit of invading others’ lives as easily as he intrudes on stage. After the events surrounding Kirill, her own life takes a sharp downturn: Natasha loses her former support system and finds herself without a normal job, money, or housing, so his offer to pose as his girlfriend no longer seems so insane. From the very beginning, this arrangement is based on calculation, resentment, and mistrust, not affection, and this is precisely why their subsequent rapprochement seems especially tense.

The forced intimacy gradually changes them both. Natasha and Kirill spend a lot of time together, arguing over trivial matters, hurting each other, becoming jealous, and taking turns trying to regain control of this strange relationship. Behind Kirill’s outward brashness, Natasha begins to see a tired, internally broken man, accustomed to hiding behind impudence, while Kirill himself notices in her a directness, a liveliness, and a resilience he hasn’t seen in a long time among admirers and casual acquaintances.

Their changes are especially clear in everyday scenes. Their mockery increasingly gives way to awkward tenderness, and their usual squabbles suddenly reveal a care neither of them initially wants to acknowledge. Even small moments, like the night bell Kirill uses to wake Natasha from her bed, function not as an empty joke but as a way to keep her close and test whether she’ll come to him again.

Other people constantly surround the main characters, and their presence adds tension to the novel. Dan and Masha see Kirill without his stage persona and therefore understand better than anyone how much his encounter with Natasha unsettles him. Misha from the flower shop, on the other hand, appears at a time when Natasha most needs simple human interaction, and his kindness quickly becomes a source of jealousy and irritation for Kirill.

Kirill himself remains a prisoner of the past for a long time. He thinks of Katya as an old wound, plans to see her before her wedding, and replays the story of his first love, which once crippled his relationship with intimacy. His internal monologues make it clear that his habit of attacking first has become a defense: if he humiliates the other person first, he can at least temporarily forget his own humiliation.

Natasha, however, has an even more difficult history behind her. Her past in Galaz gradually emerges, where she was involved with Albert Alshevsky — the son of an influential prosecutor, a cruel and depraved man convinced he could do anything. Natasha keeps something that could compromise him, lives with the memory of the violence she suffered, and is hiding not only out of pride: for her, fleeing was a means of survival.

Against this backdrop, Natasha’s feelings for Kirill become painful and ambivalent. He hurts her with his rudeness, outbursts of anger, and his unfinished business with Katya, but with him, for the first time in a long time, she no longer feels like a lonely victim of other people’s decisions. Kirill himself is also changing: his selfishness and harshness remain, but around Natasha, he increasingly acts like a man terrified of losing a specific woman, rather than like a rock star accustomed to getting what he wants without effort.

The most acute rift between them occurs when Natasha realizes their feelings have gone too far, and Kirill still hasn’t fully unraveled the knot of the past. Her pain manifests itself in a desire for distance, in communication with Misha, and in an attempt to escape the grip of this torturous relationship, even if only for a little while. Kirill responds with his usual method — jealousy, sarcasm, and a desire to regain control at any cost — but the previous exchange of barbs is no longer possible: now their every word is tinged with the fear of losing each other.

By the end, Natasha stops hiding from her own feelings. She openly admits that she loves Kirill, and for her, this isn’t a nice gesture, but a difficult admission of the truth: love has come to the man she long considered the source of her unhappiness. Kirill, for his part, takes a step forward and confirms with his actions that Natasha is no longer a casual companion or a convenient figure in his personal drama.

But the novel doesn’t stop with a declaration of love. In the final episodes, the narrative shifts to Albert, who recalls Natasha’s past, understands why she disappeared, and receives news that her trail has been found again in Moscow. He orders his men to proceed cautiously and plans to recapture the girl by force, so the book ends with an open threat: Natasha and Kirill have only just reached the point of mutual confession, and the external hunt for Natasha begins anew, setting the stage for a sequel.