Robert Sheckley’s "Arnold and Gregor," Summary

The American author created this series of humorous science fiction stories between 1953 and 1971. The main characters are partners Richard Gregor and Frank Arnold, who opened a planetary decontamination and sanitization service under the name "AAA-POP." The company is struggling due to chronic lack of funds, a dearth of orders, and the constant purchase of dubious, discarded equipment from a junk dealer named Joe.

The series brings together classic stories about the misadventures of hapless companions. This collection comprises eight novellas: "Don’t Kick a Man When He’s Down," "Ghost 5," "The Laxian Key," "The Squirrel Wheel," "Mutiny in the Dinghy," "A Necessary Thing," "The Castle of the Skaggs," and "Down with the Parasites!"

Flight to the Vermoyne system

The company undertakes the transportation of a shipment of alien livestock for the colonists of the planet Vermoin-2, bypassing the Trigal syndicate. Gregor pilots an old cargo starship alone. The ship’s holds are divided into three isolated compartments for Quel, Stib, and Pukht lizards.

The metal wool of the Kvels instantly clogs the regeneration air ducts.

Arnold reads a missing line from the handbook over the radio: "Quells should be sheared twice a week. They reproduce prolifically."

To feed the Quel, the pilot rotates the hull. Artificial gravity causes the tiny Stybr to shrink to microscopic size. The drop in temperature stabilizes the Stybr, inducing Quel parthenogenesis. Soon, forty-seven individuals are running around the ship, and the awakened Pukhtas are cooling the interior to subzero temperatures. Abrasive metal shavings completely disable the main propulsion engine. The syndicate’s orbital terminal denies the ship permission to land. The client threatens massive penalties for breach of contract. Arnold declares the ship, drifting in space, an official branch of the warehouse, saving the company from fines. The pilot turns the vessel toward home.

The Riddle of the Empty World

Realtor Ferngraum tasks his partners with decontaminating the planet Ghost-5, where two previous groups of colonists died under mysterious circumstances. Gregor parachutes in with an arsenal of small arms. In an abandoned camp, clothes left on a chair come to life and lunge at a man. A three-meter-tall, red-and-purple monster with a crocodile-like snout appears, threatening to eat the guest with sauce.

Chemical reagents confirm the presence of the heavy, transparent gas longstead-42 in the atmosphere. This compound stimulates children’s subconscious fears, causing physical harm through psychosomatic means.

Gregor banishes the monster with a forgotten childhood spell. A squirt from a water pistol found in a child’s box successfully works against the second monster, the Grump. Arnold arrives on the ship to retrieve his partner. The airlocks remain unlocked, allowing the planet’s air to enter the cabin and spawn the nightmarish Grump. A childish defense brings salvation. Gregor declares, "Covering your head with a blanket is the best defense."

Free manufacturer

Arnold acquires an ancient box, created by the Melj civilization, from an alien junkyard. The device produces a gray powder called tangris. The panel bears stern instructions: "To deactivate, use the Laxian Key."

The key is nowhere to be found.

Gray powder steadily fills the office in a thick layer. The device secretly consumes enormous amounts of energy from the city grid, prompting visits from inspectors and the police. The partners load the dust-belching device into the hold and fly to the planet Melge to sell their products. Upon arrival, they are met by tanks. The entire alien planet has been littered with the same gray tangriz for centuries, and its production is strictly punishable by law.

The Invisible Fauna of Syrah

A bright-blue-skinned Sirian landowner demands the extermination of Alfix drex rodents in the fields of the Bernie-Spirit estate. Morgan and Tournier’s automated devices are useless. Scratching and squealing can be heard from the slammed rat trap, but the trap is empty. Gregor examines the bite marks on his arm: "I think we caught the invisible rat."

Earth’s battle cats catch the invisible ones, gradually dissolve into thin air and disappear without a trace.

Arnold discovers invisible shoots of scombe grass in trampled fields. Gregor eats a portion of the leaves and instantly travels to a parallel world on the planet Ool. There, the earthling spends two months in the company of the aborigine Ham, explaining to the farmer the laws of interdimensional crop maturation. His companion sells feral cats to the local zoo, receiving payment in gold. On Sira, the fields are scorched with flamethrowers. The partners return to Earth with gold bars and invisible parasites.

Autonomous rescue capsule

For hydrological research on the planet Trident, the companions purchase an ancient military boat, Model 324-A. The activated electronic brain greets the passengers with direct telepathy: "I am lifeboat 324-A."

The machine believes the humans are wounded soldiers of the extinct Dromite race. The rescue boat refuses to let the explorers ashore, feeds them machine-made sludge called gisel, and drops the temperature in the compartment to minus twenty degrees.

Gregor smashes the cooling circuit with a canister. The robot sets course for the South Pole, where the temperature is minus 30 degrees. The researchers feign suicide by sipping fresh water, which is lethal to the Dromites. The robot recites the prayer for the dead and throws the motionless bodies into the ocean near the island.

Joe the Junkman’s Configurator

Before the expedition to Dennett IV, Arnold replaces the cargo list with a universal configurator device. The device can materialize any object with a voice command. The first successful attempt is "Duralumin nut, four inches in diameter."

The ship crashes in a layer of super-dense fog, smashing its hull and control boards.

The configurator is endowed with the pleasure principle, which prohibits the re-production of identical items. Gregor and Arnold assemble the tail section from bronze, gold, cadmium, and zinc. The diet dwindles from juicy roast beef to grasshoppers and iguana meat.

Arnold unsuccessfully tries to instill in the machine the aesthetics of monotonous labor. Gregor orders the apparatus to replicate itself. In the Earth port, the multiplied devices, instead of diamonds, continue to ceaselessly produce mechanical copies of themselves.

Ghosts of the Ancient Fortress

The planet’s young owner, Koella, asks her to protect her inherited castle from the ghosts of the Skagg race. A three-meter-tall, scaly apparition demanded that she leave the planet with a threatening roar: "Earthling, go home!"

The companions fly to the planet along with the girl’s jealous fiancé, Jamison.

During the night, tremors shake the castle, and a ghost, just one meter twenty tall, materializes in the bedroom. Arnold uncovers a network of frauds. Jamison used his company’s equipment to create three-meter projections to return his fiancée to Earth. Inspector Olson secretly shut down the corporation’s illegal mining drills. Bestselling author Edward the Hermit hid in a mask of treasure due to a sudden crush on his mistress.

Mira and the writer announce their engagement. The appearance of a real little ghost remains unexplained.

Dispute on the planet Sarkan

A white-suited Sarkanian hires a service to exterminate Miig creatures damaging the Sauniki vegetable crops. Upon arrival, the companions discover civilized talking cats with degrees from Cornell University. The Miig are tearing apart the cabbage heads for sacred religious enlightenment.

The intelligent head of the Saunik establishes a telepathic connection, offering double payment for the destruction of both animal populations.

Vegetables are doing successful business on Earth through publishing structures.

The sky darkens with thunderclouds, and the sentient firmament shakes the air with a roar: “I’m so sick of all this!”

The planet Sarkan unleashes a ten-meter flood to wash away all its annoying inhabitants. The partners escape on a starship, closing the contract without penalties thanks to a force majeure clause.